Things Dads Say, Corny Dadisms
This list of things dads say is a great way to check your “Dad Card” status.
You’re probably familiar with many of the crazy things dads say, including his best advice, funny sayings, embarrassing anecdotes, and cringeworthy jokes. Do you say these things too?
Take the “How Dad Are You” Test!
Are you guilty of using these popular dad sayings and dad phrases? Read through this list and add up your total. You may find that, indeed, you are a dad—whether you have children or not!
Things Dads Say: Common Expressions
Dads have a unique way of talking. These dad expressions are straight out of the Dad Handbook and don’t even try to be hip or cool.
1.) Says “Jeeze Louise!” or “Holy Hannah!” (To express surprise.)
2.) “What can I do you for?” (When someone asks for something.)
3.) Says “Oh, for cripesakes.” or “For pete’s sake.” (To express dad displeasure.)
4.) “Because I said so!” (Ends any discussion with a kid.)
5.) “Ya know, when I was a kid…” (A good lead into any dad story.)
6.) Refers to his wife as: “The little lady”, “The missus”, or “My better half”.
7.) Calls strangers: “Chief”, “Sport”, “Tiger”, “Jack”, or “Champ”. (Also works for when he forgets a person’s name.)
8.) “These things are selling like hotcakes!” (When noticing something is selling well.)
9.) “How many times do I have to say it?”
10.) “What’s the damage?” (When a server brings the bill.)
11.) “How many times do I have to tell you?”
When Dad Tries to Be Funny
Warning: kids have been known to strain a muscle rolling their eyes at these cringe-worthy dad lines.
12.) “Are you working hard or hardly working?” (A classic dad line.)
13.) “Can you do mine next?” (To a neighbor washing their car.)
14.) “I guess they let ANYONE in here.” (Upon seeing a friend in a store.)
15.) “Moo!” (When driving by cows.)
16.) “I guess we’ll have to amputate.” (To a kid with a minor cut.)
17.) “Found it!” (While pointing a stud finder at his chest.)
18.) “Back already? How was it?” (When someone comes back inside after forgetting something.)
19.) A server at the restaurant asks, “Do you want ranch, bleu cheese, Italian or thousand island for your salad?”
Dad: “Yes please.”
20.) “No, I got all of ’em cut.” (When asked if he got a haircut.)
21.) “It was the dog.” (When dad farts.)
22.) “Oops! Stepped on a frog.”
23.) “Pull my finger.”
24.) “Don’t threaten me!” (When someone says “See you later”.)
25.) Shouts “Hay!” (When driving past bales of hay in fields.)
26.) “Nope, just got my ears lowered.” (When someone points out his haircut.)
27.) “No, your other right.” (When a kid mistakes left for right.)
Things Dads Say: Parenting
Dads have their own special take on parenting, handed down from generations of dads before them. Here are a few classics.
28.) “I’ll give you something to cry about.” (When his kid throws a tantrum.)
29.) “You’re not going out in that.” (When his daughter is wearing revealing clothing.)
30.) “If someone told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?” (A classic dad teaching moment.)
31.) “You call that racket music?” (To a kid who’s listening to music.)
32.) “Put on a sweater if you’re cold.”
33.) (Knocks impatiently on the bathroom door.) “Did you fall in?”
34.) “I’m not just talking to hear my own voice!”
35.) “What, are you going to sleep all day?”
36.) “Can you get this done at some point today?”
37.) “Hope we don’t have to cut that off.” (To a child with a scrape on their arm.)
38.) “Go ask your mother.”
39.) “A little hard work never hurt anybody.” (To a complaining child.)
40.) “When you pay the mortgage, you can make the rules.”
41.) “The lawn’s not going to mow itself.”
42.) “Were you raised in a barn?” (When a kid leaves the door wide open.)
43.) “You’ll understand when you’re older.” (Another teaching moment.)
Dadisms
These dad expressions (or “dadisms”) work in any situation, like a trusty adjustable wrench.
44.) “We needed this rain.” (Literally every time it rains.)
45.) “It’s not that heavy. It’s just awkward.” (When lifting something heavy.)
46.) “I was just resting my eyes.” (When caught napping.)
47.) “Good thing we got here when we did.” (When the people waiting in line grows very long.)
48.) “They don’t make them like they used to.” (A classic dadism.)
49.) “That’s not going anywhere.” (After securing something in place.)
50.) “Look, horses!” (or “Look, cows!”) (Every time driving past a farm field.)
51.) “Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”
52.) “We were grateful to have an orange for Christmas.”
53.) “Have you ever heard of making a phone call?”
54.) “He’s thick as two short planks.”
Things Dads Say: On The Road
A dad behind the wheel is like a king in his castle.
55.) “Won’t get very far without these!” (When almost forgetting the car keys.)
56.) “We’re leaving. Did everybody pee?” (When the family is about to go anywhere in the car.)
57.) “Let’s rock ’n roll.” (When it’s time to go.)
58.) “Glad we’re not going THAT way.” (When seeing piled-up traffic in the opposite lane.)
59.) “People don’t know how to drive in this town!” (In any town he’s in.)
60.) “They won’t be home in time for dinner!” (When seeing a license plate from another state.)
61.) “Gas is $____. It’s $____ at home.” (When driving by any gas station a few miles or more from home.)
Check out these common pet peeves – funny!
Frugal Dad: Money-Related Phrases
A dad never passes up the chance to teach the value of a dollar.
62.) “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” (When teaching his children the value of a dollar.)
63.) “That’s how they get you.” (When discussing an extended warranty.)
64.) “Don’t spend it all in one place.” (When handing out money.)
65.) Lifts hose above head to get every last drop. (When pumping gas.)
66.) “Don’t throw that box away. We can use it.”
67.) (Pointing to kids) “You can give them the bill.” (When the server comes with the bill.)
68.) “Guess it’s free then.” (When an item doesn’t scan at the cash register.)
69.) “I’m not paying to heat (cool) the whole neighborhood!” (When a kid leaves the door open.)
70.) “Why pay money for jeans that already have holes?”
71.) “Do you think I’m made of money?”
Your Dad Score
So how’d you do? If you add up the things you’ve said from this list and score 50 or more, it’s official: you’ve turned into your father. You probably believe these are just perfectly reasonable things that everyone says.
If you score 30-49, you are a dad in training. But don’t worry, you still have a way to go before reaching the full-on “Dad” stage of fatherhood.
And if you score under 30, you’re showing signs that you might be on a slippery slope to being a dad. And you get closer and closer with every passing year.
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By Greg Johnson | Published 3/18/2021
