Funny Toasts

Looking for funny toasts that actually get laughs? Whether you’re giving a wedding speech, raising a glass at a party, or just want a witty way to say “cheers,” this ultimate list of 101 funny toasts has you covered.

A great toast can break the ice, bring people together, and turn an ordinary moment into something memorable. But coming up with something clever on the spot isn’t always easy. That’s why we’ve compiled this collection of short, funny toasts, wedding jokes, drinking toasts, and classic sayings—all easy to use and guaranteed to get a reaction.

Bookmark this list. You’ll want it before your next celebration. Oh, and might enjoy our List of Toasts for Every Occasion.

10 Funniest Toasts (Editor’s Picks)

If you only need one great toast, start here. These are proven crowd-pleasers that work in almost any setting.

First Five Funniest Toasts

1.) Here’s to you. You may not be as wise as an owl, but you’re always a hoot.
2.) May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alike—without grounds.
3.) Here’s to staying positive and testing negative.
4.) To the brilliant, warm, handsome… company that you keep.
5.) Here’s to you and here’s to me. I hope we never disagree. But if we do, to heck with you, here’s to me!

Second Five Funniest Toasts

6.) Here’s to those who’ve seen us at our best and worst—and can’t tell the difference.
7.) May we get what we want, but never what we deserve.
8.) Here’s to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking.
9.) I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
10.) A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.

Short Funny Toasts (Easy to Remember)

Sometimes the simplest toasts are the most effective. These short lines are perfect for quick moments and are easy to memorize.

11.) Here’s to it—and to it again.
12.) Cheers to the nights we won’t remember with friends we won’t forget.
13.) To a long life and a merry one.
14.) Here’s to love, laughter, and happily ever after.
15.) May your glass be ever full, may the roof over your head be always strong, and may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.
16.) Here’s to the moments that matter and the friends that make them unforgettable.
17.) Drink today and drown all sorrow—you shall perhaps not do it tomorrow.
18.) Here’s to friends who feel like family and family who act like friends.
19.) May we always have one more toast left in us.
20.) Here’s to good times, great friends, and unforgettable memories.

Funny Drinking Toasts

Drinking toasts are meant to loosen the mood and bring people together. These are playful, sometimes cheeky, and always fun.

21.) On the chest of a barmaid in Sale
Were tattooed the prices of ale.
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille?

22.) We know it is true that we’re wicked,
That our criminal laws are lax;
But here’s to punishment for the man
Who invented the income tax?

23.) Here’s to it, and to it again.
When you get to it and can’t do it,
Come see me—
Because I’m used to it!

24.) To your very good health. May you live to be as old as your jokes.

25.) Here’s to the man who is wisest and best,
Here’s to the man who with judgment is blessed,
Here’s to the man who’s as smart as can be, I drink to the man who agrees with me!

26.) Here’s to a man after my own heart, And after my house and my wife.

27.) May your liver be strong, your drinks be cold, and your stories get better the more they’re told.

28.) Here’s to nights we can’t explain, and mornings we’ll never forget, no matter how hard we try.

Funny Ways to Say “Cheers!”

Sometimes you just need a clever line to raise a glass. These quick toasts work anywhere.

29.) Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy… but enough about me, here’s to you.

30.) May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

31.) May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers.

32.) To our best friends, who know the most about us, but refuse to believe it.

33.) Here’s to the brilliant, warm, and wonderful company that you keep.

34.) May your troubles be less, your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door.

35.) Here’s to love—the only thing worth sobering up for.

Humorous Quotes to Toast

These classic quotes are perfect when you want to sound witty without writing your own material.

36.) “It is better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money.” — P.J. O’Rourke

37.) “Here’s champagne to our real friends and real pain to our sham friends.” — Francis Bacon

38.) “I used to know a clever toast, but now I cannot think it—so fill your glass to anything, and I’ll drink it.” — Wallace Irwin

39.) “Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter—sermons and soda water the day after.” — Lord Byron

40.) “Let us drink with impunity—or anyone else who’s buying.” — W.C. Fields

41.) “Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.” — George Bernard Shaw

42.) “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” — Hunter S. Thompson

43.) “I love to sing, and I love to drink—but most people prefer to hear me drink.” — George Burns

44.) “Drink today and drown all sorrow—you shall perhaps not do it tomorrow.” — Beaumont & Fletcher

45.) “Here’s hoping you live forever—and mine is the last voice you hear.” — Willard Scott

46.) “To the wild, the restless, and the ones buying the next round.” (NEW)

Funny Wedding Toasts

Wedding toasts should be funny but respectful. These strike that balance.

47.) To the two secrets of a happy marriage: a good sense of humor and a short memory.

48.) Congratulations on the termination of your isolation, and may I express appreciation for your determination to end your frustration.

49.) To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup—when you’re wrong, admit it; when you’re right, shut up!

50.) Before you, you see the person most likely to annoy you for the rest of your life—cheers!

51.) To wives and lovers—may they never meet.

52.) Here’s to that moment of sweet repose—cheek to cheek and nose to nose… then back-to-back for the rest of your lives!

53.) Marriage is when dating goes pro.

54.) Love is blind—but marriage is a real eye-opener.

VIDEO: 7 Easy Wedding Toasts

Maid of Honor Toasts

55.) I don’t get dressed up for just anyone—but for these two, I made an exception.

56.) Shakespeare said, “My heart is ever at your service.” I say, “Eat candy hearts and order room service.”

57.) The secret to a happy marriage? Two words: “Yes, dear.”

58.) May you live each day like your last and each night like your first.

59.) As you slide down the banister of life, may all your splinters point in the right direction.

Discover our maid of honor toasts feature.

Best Man Toasts

60.) Raise your glass to the bride, the groom, and the enormous debt they’ve just acquired.

61.) A great marriage is one where both partners think they got the better deal.

62.) I hope you get so many gifts that you don’t notice none are from me.

63.) I never thought our bromance could be replaced—but here we are.

64.) Marriage tip: one night a week out with the boys… just don’t waste it with the boys.

65.) You two are like Romeo and Juliet—except hopefully with a better ending.

66.) Thanks for letting us all rehearse getting tipsy last night.

Take a deep dive into our best man toasts and cheers.

Toasts by Occasion

Different occasions call for different tones, and choosing the right type of toast can make all the difference in how it’s received.

Weddings: Keep it warm, light, and focused on the couple. Humor should support—not overshadow—the sentiment.

Birthdays: Playful teasing works great here. A little exaggeration or inside humor (kept appropriate) goes a long way.

Retirement: Celebrate freedom, accomplishments, and the next chapter—with a few jokes about never setting an alarm again.

Parties: Keep it short, upbeat, and energetic. This is where quick laughs and simple cheers shine.

Witty & Clever Toasts

67.) I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

68.) Here’s to whiskey, scotch, and rye—
Not as sweet as a woman’s kiss,
But a darn sight more reliable.

69.) Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye—
Four and twenty drunkards wishing they were dry.

70.) Here’s to doing and drinking—not sitting and thinking.

71.) Drinks are on the house—so someone get a ladder.

72.) Here’s to staying positive and testing negative.

Toasts for Friends

73.) Nothing but the best for our host—that’s why they have us.

74.) To those who wish me well… all the rest can go to heck.

75.) Here’s to the floor—always there when no one else is.

76.) Lift ‘em high and drain ‘em dry—to the friend who says, “Next round’s mine!”

77.) A long life, a happy one, a quick death, and an easy one.

Joke Toasts

78.) I drank to your health in company,
I drank to your health alone,
I drank to your health so many times…
I nearly ruined my own!

79.) Here’s to you and here’s to me—
May we never disagree.
But if we do—
To heck with you, here’s to me!

80.) Here’s to Eve, mother of our race—
Who wore a fig leaf in the right place!

Famous & Classic Toasts

81.) May you be in heaven fifteen minutes before the devil knows you’re dead.
82.) To our wives and girlfriends—may they never meet.
83.) May we get what we want, but never what we deserve.
84.) Another day, another drink—no retreat, no surrender.
85.) May we never go to HEQQ—but always be on the way.

Explore our Famous toasts from movies and TV.

Toasts by Nationality

86.) Irish: May you live all the days of your life.
87.) Irish: A long life, a merry one, a quick death, and an easy one.
88.) Scottish: People talk about our drinking—but never about our thirst.
89.) Danish: Bottoms up—or the rest in your hair.
90.) Spanish: Better a known drinker than an anonymous one.
91.) English: Here’s mud in your eye!

Final Bonus Toasts

92.) Here’s to love, laughter, and never checking the receipt.
93.) May your troubles be as short as your toasts.
94.) Here’s to friends who make bad decisions feel like great stories.
95.) May your wallet be heavy and your heart light.
96.) Here’s to the nights that turn into mornings with friends that turn into family.
97.) May your jokes be funny and your drinks be strong.
98.) Here’s to good decisions—rare as they may be.
99.) May your happiness be large and your hangovers small.
100.) Here’s to always finding your glass half full.
101.) Cheers to today and survival tomorrow.

More Hilarious Toasts

Here are 10 funny toasts suitable for various occasions, ranging from weddings to generic gatherings:

102. The “Accomplice” Toast (Good for close friends). “Here’s to the friends who know everything about you… and like you anyway. And special cheers to the ones who bail you out of jail. But the real toast goes to the one who is sitting in the cell next to you, whispering, ‘Man, that was fun!'”

103. The Wedding Advice Toast. “To the happy couple! May your love be as endless as the laundry, and may your patience be as long as your shared dynamic is confusing to the rest of us. Cheers!”

104. The Self-Deprecating Speaker Toast. “I know I was asked to keep this short and sweet… but since I’m neither, I’d like to raise a glass to everyone’s patience while I ramble until this room gets awkward. Let’s drink before I start crying.”

105. The Honest Friend Toast. “To friendship! The bond that lets me look at you in your worst moments and say, ‘Wow, you’ve really let yourself go,’ and you still buy the next round. I love you, you magnificent disaster.”

106. The Age/Birthday Toast. “Here’s to [Name]! May you never look your age, and may you never act it. But, more importantly, may you never feel it the next morning after a night like this. Happy Birthday!”

Witty Cheers

107. The “One Drink” Toast (Good for parties). “A toast to the person who said, ‘I’m only staying for one drink.’ May your next poor decision be as fun as that lie was. Cheers to the night ahead!”

108. The Relationship Reality Toast (Wedding or anniversary). “To [Name] and [Name]. May you remember that marriage is a relationship where one person is always right, and the other person is the one whose name begins with ‘[Husband’s/Wife’s Initial].’ Cheers to decades of being correct!”

109. The Work/Retirement Toast. “Here’s to [Name]! May your retirement be filled with joy, relaxation, and all the time in the world to realize how much you actually miss us… or, more likely, to completely forget our names. Cheers to freedom!”

110. The Generic “Life is Hard” Toast. “Here’s to alcohol: the rose-colored glasses of life. May it make our stories better, our dance moves look smoother, and everyone around us slightly more tolerable.”

111. The Ultimate Low Bar Toast. “To us! May we always have the wisdom to recognize a bad decision… and the confidence to make it anyway, as long as we’re together. Cheers!”

How to Deliver a Funny Toast (Without Bombing)

A great toast isn’t just about the words—it’s about delivery.

• Keep it under 60–90 seconds
• Pause for laughs
• Avoid inside jokes
• Speak clearly and confidently
• End with a strong “Cheers!”

FAQ

What makes a good toast?

A good toast is short, clear, and appropriate. The best ones mix humor with sincerity and are easy for everyone to understand.

How long should a toast be?

Most toasts should be 30–90 seconds. Shorter is usually better.

What should you avoid in a funny toast?

When giving a funny toast, it’s just as important to know what not to say. Avoid inside jokes that only a few people will understand, as well as anything embarrassing, offensive, or overly personal, especially at weddings or formal events. Humor should bring people together, not make anyone uncomfortable.

Can you use a funny toast in a formal setting?

Yes, but it depends on the tone of the event. In most formal settings, especially weddings, corporate events, or milestone celebrations, a light touch of humor is welcome and can help ease tension. The key is to keep it appropriate, respectful, and balanced with sincerity.

Is it okay to read a toast from your phone or notes?

It’s ok. While memorizing your toast can make it feel more natural, it’s perfectly acceptable to read from notes, especially if you’re nervous. In fact, having a written version can help you stay focused and avoid rambling. It’s probably better to use a note card vs. your phone.

Final Thoughts

The right toast can turn a good moment into a great one. Pick your favorite, practice it once, and raise your glass with confidence.

Got a great toast? Share it. We might add it next!

By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is an author and the founder of ListCaboodle.com

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Originally Published 2/26/2020