History Jokes For Kids
History is a subject that most kids dread. They can sometimes find it boring and hard to understand. But do not worry! We have the solution for you — history jokes for kids!
We have collected some of the funniest jokes we could find. They are short, easy to read and understand, and will make your child want to learn about history instead of avoiding it.
Funny history jokes for school and the classroom
1.) What is the fruitiest subject at school?
History, because it is full of dates.
2.) How did the teacher know that the student is not good in history class?
The student said, “My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.”
3.) What did a patriot put on his dry skin?
Revo-lotion.
4.) What’s red, white, blue, and green?
A patriotic pickle.
5.) What’s red, white, blue, and green?
A seasick Uncle Sam.
6.) Why was the history degree deemed useless?
Because there’s no future in it.
7.) What do history teachers talk about at parties?
The good old days.
8.) What has four legs, a shiny nose, and fought for England?
Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer.
9.) Why aren’t you doing well in history class at school?
Because the history teacher keeps on asking me about things that happened years before I was born.
10.) How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked.
11.) Why did the boy wish to be born a thousand years ago?
To not learn about all the history from then.
12.) What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat?
A bigger target.
13.) Why does history keep repeating itself?
Because the kids were not listening the first time around.
Silly history jokes for kids
14.) What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?
A bald beagle.
15.) Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?
Thomas Jeffer’s son.
16.) What explorer was the best at Hide and Seeking?
Marco Polo.
17.) What’s red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?
A revolutionary warthog.
18.) What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hissssstory.
19.) What would you get if you crossed Washington’s home with rodents?
Mt. Vermin.
20.) How was the food at the Fourth of July picnic?
The hot dogs were bad and the brats wurst.
21.) What famous pig signed the Declaration of Independence?
John Ham-cock.
22.) What would you get if you crossed a colonial hairpiece with a teepee?
A powdered wigwam.
23.) What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock.
Hilarious historical jokes for kids
24.) What “bus” crossed the ocean?
Colum-bus.
25.) Can I tell you where Napoleon Bonaparte comes from?
Of Corsican.
26.) What did Washington say as he crossed the Delaware?
“Next time I’m going to reserve a seat.”
27.) Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
To get to the other tide.
28.) Why did the British soldiers wear red coats?
So they could hide in the tomatoes.
29.) What was Thomas Jefferson’s favorite dessert?
Monti jello.
30.) What has feathers, webbed feet, and certain inalienable rights?
The Duck-laration (Declaration) of Independence.
31.) Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry.
32.) Who built the ark?
I have Noah-dea.
33.) Who cleaned up after the animals on the ark?
Again, Noah-dea.
34.) What did Mason say to Dixon?
We’ve got to draw the line here.
35.) Why is history like a fruit cake?
It’s full of dates.
36.) Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?
Because they cannot wait for 40 years for a train.
37.) What’s purple and 5000 miles long?
The grape wall of China.
38.) What did the visitor say as he left the Statue of Liberty?
Keep in torch.
39.) Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?
He was a Yankee doodler.
40.) What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle.
41.) What would you get if you crossed a monster with a Yankee Doodle?
Yankee Doofus.
History jokes for kids by topic
American history
42.) Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
43.) How is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions.
44.) What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?
Liberty.
45.) Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
Because he couldn’t lie.
46.) What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country.
47.) Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?
On their feet.
48.) Abraham Lincoln had a very difficult and challenging childhood. Did you know that every day, he had to walk eight whole miles to school?
He should’ve got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else.
49.) Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
At the chopping mall.
50.) What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can’t sit down.
51.) What was General Washington’s favorite tree?
The infantry.
More funny American history jokes for kids
52.) What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
53.) What did King George think of the American colonists?
He thought they were revolting.
54.) Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington’s army?
Laugh-ayette.
55.) What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies.
56.) What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
I don’t know. I was not invited.
57.) What kind of tea did the American colonists want at the Boston Tea Party?
Liber-tea.
58.) Why did Christopher Columbus cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
59.) Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
60.) Two wrongs don’t make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
An airplane.
61.) Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?
It cracked me up.
62.) Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?
Because they’re both cracked.
63.) Where was the declaration of independence signed?
At the bottom of the page.
64.) If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
The Pilgrims.
Check out these funny Hanukkah jokes for kids.
English history
65.) Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
66.) Where did Ivan the Terrible get his coffee from?
Tsar-bucks.
67.) Where did Suleiman the Magnificent go when he needed something to rest his feet on?
The Ottoman Empire.
68.) Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir.
69.) What did the colonists do because of the Stamp Act?
They licked the British.
70.) Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors (tutors).
71.) In Great Britain, where are kings and queens crowned?
On the head.
72.) What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
73.) Why is England so wet?
Because the Queen reigned for 45 years.
Greek and Roman
74.) What was the Romans’ greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin.
75.) How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
76.) Why didn’t the Romans have algebra?
Because for them, X is always equal to 10.
77.) Who refereed a tennis match between Nero and Caesar?
A Roman Umpire.
78.) Which famous Roman struggled with hay fever?
Julius Sneezer.
79.) Where would you find Hadrian’s Wall?
At the bottom of his garden.
80.) How can you be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
81.) What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar.
82.) What was the most popular kids’ movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
83.) Why didn’t Socrates like old French fries?
Because they were made in ancient Greece.
Egyptian history jokes for kids
84.) Why was the Pharaoh so full of himself?
Because he Sphinx he’s the best.
85.) How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
Using hero-glyphics.
86.) Why did the mummy go for a relaxing spa and massage?
He was all wound up.
87.) What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
Toga-ether we can rule the world.
88.) What’s a mummy’s favorite type of music?
Wrap.
89.) Why are there pyramids in Egypt?
It is too heavy to be put into a museum.
90.) Which Pharaoh played the trumpet?
Tooting-khamun.
91.) What’s an Ancient Egyptian’s favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut.
Viking history
92.) Where do young Vikings hang out?
In the Norsery.
93.) How did Vikings send secret messages?
Through Norse Code.
94.) Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim.
95.) What do you call a vegan Viking?
A Nor-vegan.
Medieval and dark ages
96.) What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain Mail.
97.) What do you call a Medieval knight who’s always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
98.) What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance.
99.) Who built King Arthur’s round table?
Sir Cumference.
100.) How did Louis XIV feel after completing the Palace of Versailles?
Baroque.
101.) Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him.
102.) Where did medieval knights park their camels?
At the Camelot.
103.) What was written on a knight’s headstone?
Rust in peace.
104.) Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
105.) Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
106.) What do William the Conqueror and Kermit the Frog have in common?
They both have the same middle name.
107.) Why did the knight run around shouting for a can opener?
He had a bee in his suit of armor.
108.) When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless nights.
We hope you got a laugh from these history jokes for kids. Here are more jokes children will love:
By Greg Johnson | Published 12/21/2022
