Oyster Quotes, Jokes, Puns

These oyster quotes, jokes, and puns are sure to put a smile on the face of any fan of the bivalve mollusk. Also, be sure to check out the list of oyster Instagram captions for your next social media post.

The best oyster quotes

Here is a curated collection of some of the best oyster quotes and sayings, beginning with some of the funniest.

Funny oyster quotes

1.) A man may as well open an oyster without a knife, as a lawyer’s mouth without a fee.
– Barten Holyday

2.) So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
– Billy Connolly

3.) You’re enough to try the patience of an oyster!
– Lewis Carroll

4.) It is, after all, the dab of grit that seeps into an oyster’s shell that makes the pearl, not pearl-making seminars with other oysters.
– Stephen King

5.) Celebrities used to be found in clusters, like oysters — and with much the same defensive mechanisms.
– Barbara Walters

6.) The world is an oyster, but you don’t crack it open on a mattress.
– Arthur Miller

7.) The poorer a place is the greater call there seems for oysters. Look here, Sir, here’s a oyster stall to every half dozen houses — the street’s lined with ’em. Blessed if I don’t think that when a man’s very poor, he rushes out of his lodgings and eats oysters in regular desperation.
– Charles Dickens

Oyster Quotes Jokes Puns

More oyster sayings to crack you up

8.) I am in a very unsettled condition, as the oyster said when they poured melted butter all over his back.
– Edward Lear

9.) I had rather be an oyster than a man, the most stupid and senseless of animals.
– George Berkeley

10.) ‘O Oysters,’ said the Carpenter, ‘You’ve had a pleasant run! Shall we be trotting home again?’ But answer came there none — And this was scarcely odd, because They’d eaten every one.
– Lewis Carroll

11.) You speculate on the luxury of wearing out a whole existence in bed, like an oyster in its shell, content with the sluggish ecstasy of inaction.
– Nathaniel Hawthorne

12.) Oysters open completely when the moon is full; and when the crab sees one it throws a piece of stone or seaweed into it and the oyster cannot close again so that it serves the crab for meat. Such is the fate of him who opens his mouth too much and thereby puts himself at the mercy of the listener.
Leonardo da Vinci

13.) I live absolutely like an oyster.
– Gustave Flaubert

Funny oyster quote

Pearl quotes

Many oyster sayings reflect the symbolism of the oyster’s grotesque outer shell, which when cracked open yields a dining delicacy and sometimes a valuable pearl. Here are some of the best pearl quotes.

14.) “My mother was an oyster,” he said with a wink. “And I’m the pearl.”
– Leigh Bardugo

15.) In the sea of my emotions, his presence is like a pearl in the oyster. Very hard to locate, yet very precious and still beautiful.
– Mehek Bassi

16.) Poetry is not—except in a very limited sense—a form of self-expression. Who on earth supposes that the pearl expresses the oyster?
– Cecil Day-Lewis

17.) All art is autobiographical; the pearl is the oyster’s autobiography.
– Federico Fellini

18.) Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house; as your pearl in a foul oyster.
William Shakespeare

19.) It was odd to see her stepping out of that gloomy place, like a pearl coming out of an oyster.
– Sarah Waters

20.) So many pearls to be had, if you were in the mood to open oysters.
– Maggie Stiefvater

21.) Pearls.
Take, like an oyster,
your irritations, your pain.
Use these to create your masterpiece.
– Jessica de la Davies

More pearl quotes

22.) The pearl on my beloved’s neck, Afflicted sore the oyster!
– Bhartrhari

23.) What strikes the oyster shell
doesn’t damage the pearl.
– Rumi

24.) The truth in every myth is the pearl in every oyster.
– J. Earp

25.) “You can make an oyster surrender its pearl,” Clara says. “All you need is persistence and a sharp enough knife.” 
– John Langan

26.) Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast. ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them. under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
– Matthew 7:6

27.) Oysters speaking doesn’t give a pearl. (Les huîtres qui parlent — N’ont pas de perle.)
– Charles de Leusse

28.) There is no irritant as painful as an ace up your sleeve that you can never use; it’s the kind of thing that causes oysters to produce pearls.
– Sheila Ballantyne

Check out these inspirational turtle quotes.

Funny oyster joke image

The world is your oyster quotes

As the old saying goes, “the world is your oyster.” Here are quotes that expand on that sentiment.

29.) Why, then the world’s mine oyster, Which I with sword will open.
– William Shakespeare

30.) People, when they first come to America, whether as travelers or settlers, become aware of a new and agreeable feeling: that the whole country is their oyster.
– Alistair Cooke

31.) The world is your oyster. It’s up to you to find the pearls.
– Chris Gardner

32.) I realized that with hard work, the world was your oyster. You could do anything you wanted to do.
– Chris Evert

33.) The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork.
– Oscar Wilde

34.) The world is your oyster. Yes, but in that oyster is the pearl; and to get to the pearl one has to first discard the shell and the flesh.
– Ian Gardner

35.) The world is your oyster… too bad you’re allergic to shellfish.
– Paul Neilan

36.) It’s a great thing when a man knows how to dance… When a man can dance, the world is his oyster.
– Joyce Maynard

37.) Right after ‘Raymond’ I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don’t like oysters. I had this existential emptiness. ‘What is my purpose? Who am I?’ I had a big identity crisis.
– Ray Romano

38.) The Japanese are hard to understand, but once you do the world is your oyster.
– Paul Smith

Shell quotes

The outer shell of the oyster gets no love compared to what’s inside. These quotes give the shell its due.

39.) We are bound to our bodies like an oyster to its shell.
Plato

40.) Within the oyster’s shell uncouth
The purest pearl may hide,
Trust me you’ll find a heart of truth
Within that rough outside.
– Frances Sargent Osgood

41.) The first man gets the oyster, the second man gets the shell. 
– Andrew Carnegie

42.) …like a grain of sand that gets into an oyster’s shell. What if the grain doesn’t want to become a pearl? Is it ever asked to climb out quietly and take up its old position as a bit of ocean floor?
– Robin McKinley

43.) I am very fond of the oyster shell. It is humble and awkward and ugly. It is slate-colored and unsymmetrical. Its form is not primarily beautiful but functional. I make fun of its knobbiness. Sometimes I resent its burdens and excrescences. But its tireless adaptability and tenacity draw my astonished admiration and sometimes even my tears. And it is comfortable in its familiarity, its homeliness, like old garden gloves when have molded themselves perfectly to the shape of the hand. I do not like to put it down. I will not want to leave it.
– Anne Morrow Lindbergh

44.) An oyster, that marvel of delicacy, that concentration of sapid excellence, that mouthful before all other mouthfuls, who first had faith to believe it, and courage to execute? the exterior is not persuasive.
– Henry Ward Beecher

Inspirational quotes

These quotes find inspiration in the simple life of the oyster.

45.) Get action. Seize the moment. Man was never intended to become an oyster.
– Theodore Roosevelt

46.) Oysters are more beautiful than any religion… There’s nothing in Christianity or Buddhism that quite matches the sympathetic unselfishness of an oyster.
– Saki

47.) The food of thy soul is light and space; feed it then on light and space. But the food of thy body is champagne and oysters; feed it then on champagne and oysters; and so shall it merit a joyful resurrection, if there is any to be.
– Herman Melville

48.) I do not weep at the world I am too busy sharpening my oyster knife.
– Zora Neale Hurston

49.) An oyster leads a dreadful but exciting life.
– M. F. K. Fisher

50.) Sand irritates the oyster and the oyster responds by creating a beautiful pearl. Allow difficulties to serve your transformation in the blossoming consciousness that you are.
– Anonymous

51.) He was a very valiant man who first adventured on eating of oysters.
– James VI & I

52.) The life of man is of no greater importance to the universe than that of an oyster.
– David Hume

53.) I can’t think of anyone I admire who isn’t fueled by self-doubt. It’s an essential ingredient. It’s the grit in the oyster.
– Richard Eyre

54.) I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster,
but I’ll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster of me,
he shall never make me such a fool.
– William Shakespeare

55.) Life is too short to not have oysters and champagne sometimes.
– Christie Brinkley

56.) Minds are like oysters. They spoil if you pry them open.
– Willa Gibbs

Eating oysters sayings

Eating oysters is not for the faint of heart. As Jonathan Swift once said, “He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.” Here are some more great sayings about consuming this seafood delicacy that’s served on the half shell.

57.) As I ate the oysters with their strong taste of the sea and their faint metallic taste that the cold white wine washed away, leaving only the sea taste and the succulent texture, and as I drank their cold liquid from each shell and washed it down with the crisp taste of the wine, I lost the empty feeling and began to be happy and to make plans.
– Ernest Hemingway

58.) Eating a raw oyster is like french kissing a mermaid.
– Tom Robbins

59.) If you don’t love life you can’t enjoy an oyster; there is a shock of freshness to it and intimations of the ages of man, some piercing intuition of the sea and all its weeds and breezes. [They] shiver you for a split second.
– Eleanor Clark

60.) A good oyster cannot please the palate as acutely as a bad one can revolt it, and a good oyster cannot make him who eats it live for ever though a bad one can make him dead for ever.
– Rebecca West

61.) I prefer my oysters fried;
That way I know my oysters died.
– Roy Blount, Jr.

62.) I really like oysters, and I won’t eat them alone. They’re just a weird thing to eat by yourself.
– Katie Aselton

More eating oysters quotes

63.) Give me oysters and beer, for dinner every day of the year, and I’ll be fine.
– Jimmy Buffett

64.) I’ve long believed that good food, good eating, is all about risk. Whether we’re talking about unpasteurized Stilton, raw oysters or working for organized crime ‘associates,’ food, for me, has always been an adventure.
– Anthony Bourdain

65.) I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead.
– Woody Allen

66.) Oyster, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails!
– Ambrose Bierce

67.) Poverty and oysters always seem to go together.
Charles Dickens

68.) Oysters are the most tender and delicate of all seafoods. They stay in bed all day and night. They never work or take exercise, are stupendous drinkers, and wait for their meals to come to them.
– Hector Bolitho

Funny oyster puns, jokes and one liners

Some oyster humor to lighten your day!

69.) Q: Why wouldn’t the oyster give up her pearl?
A: She was shellfish.

70.) An oyster I know has just split up with his girlfriend. She was just too deep for him.

71.) After years of training as a chef, the only job I got was preparing oysters at a small restaurant. I have to say it really shucks.

72.) The world is my oyster. And I have a shellfish allergy.

73.) Q: What’s made of chocolate, has a shell and lives at the bottom of the sea?
A: An oyster egg.

74.) Q: How do oysters get around?
A: In mussel cars.

75.) Q: What is an oyster’s favorite band?
A: Pearl Jam

76.) When oysters want to borrow money, they go to the prawn broker.

77.) I was driving along the road when someone asked me to give them a lift. I said, “You look great, the world’s your oyster!”.

78.) An oyster says to her boyfriend “I feel like I can really open up to you.”
“Awww shucks”

79.) Q: Why won’t any sea creatures date oysters?
A: Rumor has it they’re shellfish lovers.

80.) My oyster used to be really shy, then one day he came out of his shell.

81.) Surprised they wouldn’t accept my Oyster card in the local Shell station.

82.) Q: What do you call male oysters?
A: Boysters. 

83.) Q: What do you call bodybuilding oysters?
A: Hoisters. 

84.) Q: What do you call oyster pirates?
A: Ahoysters. 

More oyster humor

85.) Q: What do you call oyster nuns?
A; Cloisters. 

86.) Q: What do you call oysters that live under water?
A: Moisters. 

87.) Q: What do you call shy oysters?
A: Coysters. 

88.) Q: What do you call working class oysters?
A: Employsters. 

89.) Q: What do you call oysters with an evil plan?
A: Ploysters. 

90.) Q: What do you call singing oysters?
A: Voiceters.

91.) I couldn’t find my pet oyster the other day. I think he was using CLAMouflage.

92.) Did you hear about the oyster that overdid it on the dance floor?
He pulled a mussel.

93.) Recent research has shown that oysters have developed an advanced method of communication. They use shell phones.

94.) My friend plays classical music to his pet oysters, which he places stones within the soft tissue of their bivalves…
He makes cultured pearls.

95.) Q: What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
A: A noisy noise annoys an oyster.

Oyster Instagram captions

Posting a photo of your fabulous oysters to Instagram? Look no further for great captions to add to your social media post.

  • Bad mother shucker.
  • C’est si Bon.
  • Aw shucks.
  • Keep on shuckin’.
  • Lil’ shucker.
  • What the shuck?
  • Oysters and beer? Shell yeah!
  • The world is your oyster.
  • Feed me oysters and call me handsome.
  • Shuck yourself.
  • Let’s get shucked up!
  • Introverted but willing to discuss oysters.
  • The oyster is my world.
  • I like oysters and maybe three people.
  • Moister than an oyster.
  • There’s a shucker born every minute.
  • Whatever makes your oyster moister.
  • It’s your oyster — shuck it!

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