Funny Pirate Jokes

Aye, aye, me mateys, are you ready for some funny pirate jokes?

Truth be told, pirates weren’t very nice people. They committed criminal violence upon others with the goal of stealing cargo and worse. But, for some reason, jokes about them are pretty darn funny.

Perhaps, it’s because our vision of them is well defined from movies and books. We have visions of pirates wearing eye patches, hooks for missing hands, and wood pegs for missing legs. They wear scarves, dark colors, and their faces haven’t seen razors in some time.

But, who knew jokes about them could generate so many laughs? These humorous selections below won’t disappoint. Read on.

good pirate jokes

Best Pirate Jokes

How do pirates stay warm in the winter?
Long Johns!

Why couldn’t the pirates play gin rummy?
The captain was standing on deck.

Why did the pirate take a two-week vacation?
He needed a little arrr and arrr.

How do pirates communicate?
Aye-to-aye!

What did the pirate say when his peg leg was outside the bed covers?
Shiver me timbers!

Pirate Jokes Meme

funny pirate jokes

Good Pirate Jokes

What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing. It just waved.

How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?
A buck-an-ear!

Why doesn’t a pirate shower before walking the plank?
Because he’ll just wash up on shore.

Why did it take so long for the pirate to recite the alphabet?
Because he spent years at “C.”

How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg?
An arm-and-a-leg!

What type of socks do pirates favor?
Arrrgyle!

What did the pirate say 12 months after his 79th birthday?
Aye Matey!

How do you make a pirate furious?
Take away the “p.” Pirate become irate.

Where does Captain Hook like to shop?
The second-hand store.

What type of grades did the pirate get in high school?
High C’s.

What did the pirate name his dog?
Patches!

What do you call a pirate with two eyes and legs?
A rookie!

Jokes about Pirates Image

Pirate puns and riddles

Funny Pirate Jokes

How did the pirate get a six-pack on his stomach?
By doing the plank.

How do you address a pirate with one eye?
Aye!

What’s a pirate’s favorite fish?
A swordfish.

Why is pirating so addictive?
Once you lose your first hand, you’re hooked!

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A Nervous Wreck!

Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they arrr!

The Largest Pirate Booty Video

Short Pirate Riddles

How did the pirate get his Jolly Rancher so cheaply?
He bought it on sail.

How do pirates chat when on different ships?
With an “Aye Phone.”

Why do pirates always carry swords?
Because swords can’t walk.

Where do pirates go for a whiskey?
The sand bar!

What do you call a pirate with four eyes?
A piiiirate.

Where do you find a pirate who has lost his peg legs?
Right where you left him.

What do you call a pirate who skips class?
Captain Hooky.

What do pirates do on Black Friday?
Shop the sails!

Pirate Captions

  • A pirate’s life for me.
  • Work like a captain and play like a pirate.
  • Ahoy, matey!
  • Thar she blows!
  • Swab the deck!
  • “X” marks the spot.
  • Born to rum.
  • Walk the plank.
  • Shiver me timbers!
  • Dead men tell no tales.
  • All Hand Hoy!
  • Just for fun, Matey!
  • To err is human, to arrr is pirate.
Captions for Instagram

Captions for Instagram

  • Drink up me hearties… yo ho!
  • Surrender the booty.
  • Aye, Aye, me mateys.
  • Scourge of the seven seas.
  • Blimey!
  • When Booty calls.
  • Shark bait.
  • Common grog.
  • You hornswoggling scallywag!
  • Heave ho.
  • Home is where the anchor drops.
  • We’ll take our plunder and leave.
  • You Son of a Biscuit Eater!
  • Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
  • Bilge Rat.
  • Weigh anchor.

Famous Pirates

If you have an interest in pirates, review the lives of the pirates listed below.

  1. “Blackbeard” – Edward Teach
  2. Sir Henry Morgan
  3. Anne Bonny
  4. “Black Bar” – Bartholomew Roberts
  5. “Long Ben” – Henry Every (See video above)

Famous Pirate Movies

  1. The Goonies
  2. Peter Pan
  3. Treasure Island
  4. The Princess Bride
  5. The Pirates: Band of Misfits
  6. Blackbeard’s Ghost
  7. The Pirates of Penzance
  8. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

We hope you found some good pirate jokes and captions that you will forever treasure. Let us know via the contact page if we missed any of your favorites. Thanks.

By Mike O’Halloran

Mike is a co-founder of ListCaboodle. His surname, “O’Halloran,” means “outsider” or “pirate.”

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