Funny Pirate Jokes

Aye, aye, me mateys, are you ready for some funny pirate jokes for kids?

Truth be told, pirates weren’t very nice people. They committed criminal violence upon others with the goal of stealing cargo and worse. But, for some reason, jokes about them are pretty darn funny.

Perhaps, it’s because our vision of them is well defined from movies and books. We have visions of pirates wearing eye patches, hooks for missing hands, and wood pegs for missing legs. They wear scarves, dark colors, and their faces haven’t seen razors in some time.

But, who knew jokes about them could generate so many laughs? These humorous selections below won’t disappoint. Read on.

    good pirate jokes

    Best Pirate Jokes

    How do pirates stay warm in the winter?
    Long Johns!

    Why couldn’t the pirates play gin rummy?
    The captain was standing on deck.

    Why did the pirate take a two-week vacation?
    He needed a little arrr and arrr.

    How do pirates communicate?

    What did the pirate say when his peg leg was outside the bed covers?
    Shiver me timbers!

    Pirate Jokes Meme

    funny pirate jokes

    Good Pirate Jokes

    What did the ocean say to the pirate?
    Nothing. It just waved.

    How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?
    A buck-an-ear!

    Why doesn’t a pirate shower before walking the plank?
    Because he’ll just wash up on shore.

    Why did it take so long for the pirate to recite the alphabet?
    Because he spent years at “C.”

    How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg?
    An arm-and-a-leg!

    What type of socks do pirates favor?

    What did the pirate say 12 months after his 79th birthday?
    Aye Matey!

    How do you make a pirate furious?
    Take away the “p.” Pirate become irate.

    Where does Captain Hook like to shop?
    The second-hand store.

    What type of grades did the pirate get in high school?
    High C’s.

    What did the pirate name his dog?

    What do you call a pirate with two eyes and legs?
    A rookie!

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    Jokes about Pirates Image

    Pirate puns and riddles

    Funny Pirate Jokes

    How did the pirate get a six-pack on his stomach?
    By doing the plank.

    How do you address a pirate with one eye?

    What’s a pirate’s favorite fish?
    A swordfish.

    What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
    A Nervous Wreck!

    Why are pirates called pirates?
    Because they arrr!

    You’ll love these corny jokes for kids.

    More funny pirate jokes

    • Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs? Right where ye left him.
    • Why is pirating so habit-forming? They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.
    • What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? The letter RRRRRRR!
    • What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!
    • Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck!
    • What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer? A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
    • What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea? He got marooned.
    • How do pirates like to cook their steaks? On a BAAAARRRRRBECUE!
    • What’s a pirate’s worst enemy? Termites
    • To err is human. To arr pirate.
    • Why’d the pirate go to the Apple store? He needed a new ipatch
    • What did the pirate wear on Halloween? A pumpkin patch.

    Funny tongue twisters for kids.

    The Largest Pirate Booty Video

    Short Pirate Riddles

    How did the pirate get his Jolly Rancher so cheaply?
    He bought it on sail.

    How do pirates chat when on different ships?
    With an “Aye Phone.”

    Why do pirates always carry swords?
    Because swords can’t walk.

    Where do pirates go for a whiskey?
    The sand bar!

    What do you call a pirate with four eyes?
    A piiiirate.

    Where do you find a pirate who has lost his peg legs?
    Right where you left him.

    What do you call a pirate who skips class?
    Captain Hooky.

    What do pirates do on Black Friday?
    Shop the sails!

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    Pirate Captions

    • A pirate’s life for me.
    • Work like a captain and play like a pirate.
    • Ahoy, matey!
    • Thar she blows!
    • Swab the deck!
    • “X” marks the spot.
    • Born to rum.
    • Walk the plank.
    • Shiver me timbers!
    • All Hand Hoy!
    • Just for fun, Matey!
    • To err is human, to arrr is pirate.

    Pirate quotes and sayings.

    Captions for Instagram

    Captions for Instagram

    • Drink up me hearties… yo ho!
    • Surrender the booty.
    • Aye, Aye, me mateys.
    • Scourge of the seven seas.
    • Blimey!
    • When Booty calls.
    • Shark bait.
    • Common grog.
    • You hornswoggling scallywag!
    • Heave ho.
    • Home is where the anchor drops.
    • We’ll take our plunder and leave.
    • You Son of a Biscuit Eater!
    • Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
    • Bilge Rat.
    • Weigh anchor.

    Learn how to talk like a pirate with these pirate words and phrases.

    Famous Pirates

    If you have an interest in pirates, review the lives of the pirates listed below.

    1. “Blackbeard” – Edward Teach
    2. Sir Henry Morgan
    3. Anne Bonny
    4. “Black Bar” – Bartholomew Roberts
    5. “Long Ben” – Henry Every (See video above)

    Check out these famous pirate names.

    Famous Pirate Movies

    1. The Goonies
    2. Peter Pan
    3. Treasure Island
    4. The Princess Bride
    5. The Pirates: Band of Misfits
    6. Blackbeard’s Ghost
    7. The Pirates of Penzance
    8. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

    International Talk Like A Pirate Day

    Celebrate this fun day by talking like a pirate and sharing pirate jokes with your friends on September 19 each year!

    We hope you found some good pirate jokes, puns, and captions that you will forever treasure. Let us know via the contact page if we missed any of your favorites. Thanks.

    By Mike O’Halloran

    Mike is a co-founder of ListCaboodle. His surname, “O’Halloran,” means “outsider” or “pirate.”


    You are on our Funny Pirate Jokes page.

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