Funny Wedding Toasts
Funny wedding toasts are the perfect way to add a touch of humor to your wedding speech. A good toast can break the ice with a bit of laughter and put everyone at ease, while poking fun at the newlyweds in a loving way.
The following funny wedding toasts and examples are perfect for anyone raising a glass in honor of the new couple. You’ll find toasts for suitable for everyone, whether you’re a member of the wedding party or guests:
| For New Couple | For Wedding Party | For Wedding Event |
|---|---|---|
| • For bride | • Mother of the bride | • For rehearsal dinner |
| • For groom | • Father of the bride | • For wedding reception |
| • For sister | • Mother of the groom | • For wedding anniversary |
| • For brother | • Father of the groom | |
| • For best friend | • Maid of honor speech | |
| • For daughter | • Best man speech | |
| • For son | • Groomsmen |
But beware, a poorly timed joke can fall flat, a tasteless remark can offend, and a poorly delivered anecdote can land with a thud. So, how does one successfully toast the matrimonial merriment?
Fear not, for we are here to guide you through the treacherous waters of wedding humor. With the following tips and examples, you’ll be crafting toasts that will have the newlyweds and guests rolling in the aisles.
How to give a funny wedding toast
Just follow these five simple steps to deliver a successful wedding toast to celebrate the newlyweds on their wedding day:
- Know your audience. What kind of jokes will they appreciate? Fun loving or a bit formal? Adjust your material accordingly.
- Keep it short and sweet. A well-placed zinger can have a much bigger impact than a rambling anecdote.
- Know your limits. There’s a fine line between funny and offensive. Don’t cross it. Avoid jokes that are mean-spirited or make light of sensitive topics.
- Practice makes perfect. Rehearse your toast beforehand to ensure a smooth and confident delivery.
- Most importantly, have fun! Loosen up and enjoy the moment. If you’re having fun, the audience will too.
Best funny wedding toasts from movies
1.) Marriage is like a tense, unfunny, version of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.
Knocked Up
2.) As Bill and Ted once said: Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes!
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
3.) I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.
Forrest Gump
4.) I love you. That’s why I make you miserable.
Real Women Have Curves
5.) I love you even when you’re sick and look disgusting.
Love Actually
More famous toasts and cheers from movies.
Short funny wedding toasts
1.) May your children be blessed with rich parents.
2.) Time to raise our glasses to the happy couple because I like both of you — do you have any idea how rare that is?
3.) Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. Remember: they also chose you. Cheers!
4.) Here’s to the new couple! May all your ups and downs come only in the bedroom.
5.) To the happy couple. May you share everything in live, especially the housework!
6.) Now let’s toast to the two secrets to a happy marriage. A good sense of humor and a short memory.
7.) To marriage — the only battle where, once a month, you sleep with the enemy.
8.) To love, laughter, happily ever after — and to these two beauties who paid for the free bar!
Video: 7 Easy Wedding Toasts
Witty wedding toasts
1.) What do late nights, wild parties, and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those things from now on. But congratulations on your wedding!
2.) May your marriage be so solid it could last through being on a reality show.
3.) Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.
4.) Saying ‘I do’ at your wedding is like clicking ‘Accept’ any time something pops up on your computer screen: You do it despite having no idea what will come next. Congratulations on your marriage!
One-liners for wedding speech
1.) Getting married is easy! Sundays in Ikea are when it starts getting really tough.
2.) Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.
3.) You were married by a judge — you should have asked for a jury.
4.) Marry someone your own age because as your beauty fades, so will their eyesight.
5.) You two remind me of the classic couples. Romeo and Juliet. Homer and Marge. Gomez and Morticia.
6.) If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.
7.) Marry an archaeologist — they older you get, the more interested they become in you.
8.) Now for some advice from me. The secret to my happy marriage is dinner twice a week. My partner goes on Tuesdays and I go on Thursdays.
9.) Gosh, what an emotional day it’s been. Even the cake is in tiers!
Openers
10.) Marriage is a sacred bond between two people, and let me be clear… I said “sacred,” not “scared.”
11.) There’s only one way to have a happy marriage… and as soon as I learn it, I’ll get married again.
12.) We’re gathered here today to honor something that is so truly magical, special and wonderful. Of course I am talking about that cake!
13.) Marriage is a wonderful thing entered by two people. One who can’t sleep with the window shut, and the other who can’t sleep with it open.
14.) I don’t get all dressed up for just anyone, but when two people who are so in love tell me to put on my fancy clothes, this is what happens.
Closing lines
15.) I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: never stop laughing, even when the jokes are lame.
16.) And now for my final words of advice, if at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way (partner’s name) told you to do it.
17.) I’ll end this toast with my best advice — never go to bed mad. Instead, stay up and fight it out.
18.) They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but you two are so in love it astounds the entire universe.
19.) Congratulations to you three: (new couple’s names) and the big mound of debt you’ve incurred with this wedding reception.
20.) Remember: In life, there are only two tools anyone really needs in their toolbox — duct tape and WD40. Duct tape keeps things from moving when they shouldn’t, and WD40 gets things moving when they’re stuck.
Funny quotes for wedding toasts
1.) I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
2.) Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Henry Kissinger
3.) Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
Will Ferrell
4.) The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman
Quotes about love
5.) Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.
George Burns
6.) True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.
Mindy Kaling
7.) All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
Charles M. Schulz
8.) Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener.
Pauline Thomason
9.) We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love.
Dr. Seuss
Funny marriage advice quotes
10.) The secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
11.) Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash.
Dr. Joyce Brothers
12.) A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it.
Unknown
13.) To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.
Ogden Nash
14.) The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
Anne Bancroft
15.) For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.
Catherine Zeta-Jones
16.) If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.
Unknown
We hope you’ve enjoyed reading these funny wedding toasts that they provide plenty of laughs to everyone at the reception.
Check out more helpful wedding lists here:
By Greg Johnson | Published 11/21/2023
