Bartender Quotes and Captions

These bartender quotes and captions reflect the important role of serving beverages to guests and customers.

We’ve taken the liberty to include some funny takes, serious insights, and interesting views of the role. We hope you enjoy.


    Best Bartender Quotes

    The greatest accomplishment of a bartender lies in his ability to exactly suit his customer.
    Harry Gordon Johnson

    Bartenders want to give you good service, but they also want to give everyone a good service. If the bar is slow, then the bartender will be able to spend more time with you.
    Cheryl Charming

    A professional bartender is someone who can do his or her best work when he or she doesn’t feel like it.
    Bruce Tomlinson

    Be humble, and pretend you’re a bartender in the tavern of life.
    James McBride

    In wine, there is wisdom; in beer, there is Freedom; in water, there is bacteria.
    Benjamin Franklin

    Best bartender quotes.

    A good bartender has to be part philosopher, part psychiatrist, part psychic.
    Al the Bartender

    That’s the magic of being a bartender— the sleight of hand at play, to hide all the work and serve up all the pleasure.
    Jim Meehan

    Bartenders recognize through practice what liquid increments look like in a standard mixing glass.
    Dave Arnold

    Funny Bartender Quotes

    A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
    Albert Einstein

    I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
    Rodney Dangerfield

    You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
    Dean Martin

    If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.
    Richard Kadrey

    A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks, what’ll it be? The duck doesn’t answer because it’s a duck.
    Jodi Picoult

    I could finally quit my job as a bartender and stop dreaming that I might be Superman and know that I was. Then I started thinking about how cool it was.
    Brandon Routh

    Amusing Quotes About Bars

    An American goes into an Irish pub. He said to the bartender, ‘Whiskey and ice.’ The bartender said, ‘There’s no ice.’ The American said, ‘I’ll have water.’ He said, ‘You can’t. The water’s frozen.’
    Hal Roach

    Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, “Where’d you get the pig?” Guy says, “This is a duck.” Bartender says, “I was talking to the duck.”
    Rodney Dangerfield

    He had a habit of remarking to bartenders that he didn’t see any sense in mixing whiskey with water since the whiskey was already wet.
    Joseph Mitchell

    You’ll enjoy these margarita quotes and captions.

    Good Bartending Quotes

    I mean, I’ve had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I’ve never even thought about, and they’re right.
    Todd Barry

    Everyone feels like they would love to be a really cool bartender in a really cool bar, but you’re still surrounded by people who want to destroy themselves with alcohol. When you look at it that way, it’s not that much fun.
    John Hodgman

    The difference between a rich drunk and a poor one is that a rich one tells his problems to a psychiatrist and a poor one tells his to a bartender.
    Ray Foley

    The professional bartender has the convenience of a daily fresh produce delivery to the restaurant or bar room door.
    Jeffrey Morgenthaler

    No one ever made history in the living room. And without a bartender, who at home are you going to tell your troubles to? Your dog?
    Steven Kates

    I believe that in your heart you already know something is profoundly wrong. When bartenders are responsible for drunk drivers’ acts, and gunmakers are responsible for criminals’ acts, and nobody is responsible for O. J. Simpson’s acts, something is wrong.
    Charlton Heston

    I was a good bartender. I wouldn’t say I was the best bartender in New York, but I could hold my own.
    Samira Wiley

    See Old Fashioned Jokes and Quotes.

    Short Quotes for Bartenders

    A theory that you can’t explain to a bartender is probably no damn good.
    Ernest Rutherford

    I’m a bartender. I like recipes. They’re concrete.
    Karen Marie Moning

    Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of scotch.
    W. C. Fields

    Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.
    Mark Twain

    I toured Ontario in ’48, in the touring company The Drunkard. I played the bartender.
    Jonathan Frid

    Lady bartenders live a tougher life than anybody knows.
    James Crumley

    I was an amazing bartender and a great waiter. In a way, that was my acting school.
    Nick Frost

    Bartending at its Best

    I love to go to the bar close by for a good espresso and have a chat with the bartender.
    Ludovico Einaudi

    Anyway, whacking a surly bartender ain’t much of a crime.
    Larry McMurtry

    I like the sound the glass makes when the bartender puts on the counter.
    Rude Awakening

    Hey bartender, hey man, look here. Give us one more, two more, three more glasses of beer.
    Koko Taylor

    I’m a bartender. I do, like, great things.
    Angelina Pivarnick

    You know you’re in trouble when the bartender cries.
    Michael Peterson

    Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.
    P. J. O’Rourke

    I wanted to be a bartender for a bit.
    Gia Coppola

    Notable Bartender Quotes

    If you truly love me, kill the bartender.
    Quentin Crisp

    Will there be any bartenders up there in heaven, will the pubs never close?
    Richard Thompson

    My dad was a cop. My mom worked at various jobs – she worked as a homemaker, a bank teller, a bartender.
    Lee Daniels

    Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
    Oscar Wilde

    See Martini Quotes and Captions.

    Interesting Bartender Quotes

    For the bartender, the weight of the finished beverage isn’t important, but the volume is.
    Dave Arnold

    You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name — and you’ve never been to that bar before.
    Zach Galifianakis

    I studied international relations and economics at the University of Virginia. I paid my way by working as a bartender in the summer and at three part-time jobs during the year.
    Jacqueline Novogratz

    A cocktail can be made by the bartender. But the cocktail also can be made by the chef.
    Jose Andres

    I’ve always thought that bartenders and hairstylists would be great interrogators because all day long they have to listen to people talk. They could probably make some fugitive spill the beans.
    Joelle Carter

    Fun Bartender Quotes

    While being in the presence of a bartender, make it a point to observe their behavior with the people and also what they’re actually wearing.

    I wouldn’t recommend being a musician to anyone. It’s not glamorous. It’s a lot of being dirty, not eating, playing for five people and one of them is the bartender.
    Dan Reynolds

    I had a bartender friend once tell me about a $14 shot of vodka, this was years ago it’s probably more now. I thought that was crazy. From what I understand, vodka has no taste. I think people like the taste of their money.
    Ian MacKaye

    My dad was a bartender that worked banquets. So that meant holidays, weekends, nights.
    Marco Rubio

    Motivational Quotes for Bartenders

    There are few professions whose primary objective is to advance the cause of humanity rather than simply to make money or accrue power. Among this limited group of humanitarians, I would number bartenders, teachers, nurses, and bookstore owners.
    Jack McDevitt

    A bartender can’t be made overnight, though, and a headful of recipes and facts will get you only so far.
    Ray Foley

    I was a bartender for four years, and that was the best training that I had for learning how to approach people.
    Maggie Haberman

    I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated.
    Al McGuire

    People tend to talk openly to bartenders.
    Johnny Welsh

    I worked at Starbucks, I was a waiter, a bartender and a valet, sometimes working 2 to 3 jobs at a time while getting a lot of ‘no’s’ as an actor.
    Andrea Hall

    Drinking Quotes

    A good writer is not, per se, a good book critic. No more so than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender.
    Jim Bishop

    Basically, I’m for anything that gets you through the night—be it prayer, tranquilizers, or a bottle of Jack Daniel’s.
    Frank Sinatra

    I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.
    Ron Burgundy

    Placing a wedge of lime in the neck of a Corona bottle helps sell those beers. And where did that ritual come from? One story has it that two bartenders in California were curious how fast a ritual could spread. Astonishingly fast, they discovered.
    Martin Lindstrom

    I don’t have a drinking problem, except when I can’t get a drink.
    Tom Waits

    A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.
    Charlie Chaplin

    Whiskey is, by far, the most popular of all remedies that will not cure a cold.
    Jerry Vale

    Wine is sunlight held together by water.

    After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.
    Oscar Wilde

    They say as soon as you have to cut down on your drinking, you have a drinking problem.
    Don Draper

    Don’t dare to bargain my bar, you should be drunken.
    Dr.P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar

    Bartending Sayings

    The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
    Humphrey Bogart

    An efficient bartender’s first aim should be to please his customers, paying particular attention to meet the individual wishes of those whose tastes and desires he has already watched and ascertained.
    Jerry Thomas

    By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing.
    Don Marquis

    I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
    Frank Sinatra

    Good bartenders don’t get comfortable and don’t listen to anybody else. Don’t stand around with a bunch of writers and talk about writing. When you see plumbers at a plumber convention, they’re not talking about plumbing: they’re talking about what two men talk about.
    James McBride

    Understanding Bartender Quotes

    I drink only to make my friends seem interesting.
    Don Marquis

    Bartenders and contemporary cocktail historians must be more transparent about our formulas and practices in order to preserve them for generations to come.
    Jim Meehan

    In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You’ll get quite an evil eye if you don’t leave a tip at the bar.
    Zach Braff

    I remember back in Detroit; I used to go to the Apex Bar every night after I got off work. The bartender there used to call me Boom Boom. I don’t know why, but he did.
    John Lee Hooker

    Bartender Captions for Instagram

    I love my coworkers from my head to mojitos!

    Keep calm and drink on.

    Hakuna ma vodka!

    Yes way, rosé!

    Let’s get hop-py.

    Relaxation in every sip.

    You say alcoholism, I say liver Crossfit!

    Save water. Drink alcohol!

    Olive a good martini with my work besties.

    Funny Bartending Captions

    Friday called; she’s on her way to bring cocktails!

    Uncork and unwind.

    Let’s drink about it!

    Blending is the only cardio I want and need right now.

    Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker!

    Cheers to the freakin’ weekend.

    Because alcohol tastes better than tears!

    It’s beginning to look a lot like cocktails.

    It’s finally Friday, let’s pop the champagne!

    Never chase anything but drinks and dreams!

    Friends don’t let friends wine alone.

    Beer Lime & Sunshine.

    Cheers to the freakin’ weekend!

    It’s a thirsty Thursday.

    Que syrah, syrah!

    An ocean breeze puts a mind at ease.

    I love my partner-in-wine!

    By Mike O’Halloran

    Mike is a writer and co-founder of ListCaboodle.


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