Whiskey Quotes, Sayings, Captions

These whiskey quotes, sayings, and captions will put a smile on the face of any drinker of Scotch, bourbon, Irish, or rye whiskeys.


    Whiskey quotes for aficionados and lovers of the brown liquor

    Let’s begin with ten of our favorite whiskey sayings.

    Top 10 best whiskey quotes

    1.) Whisky is liquid sunshine.
    George Bernard Shaw

    2.) Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whisky, and a dog to eat the rare steak.
    Johnny Carson

    3.) Seen through the gold of old Scotch, life seems more beautiful.
    Pierre Souvestre

    4.) I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
    George Burns

    5.) Ninety percent I’ll spend on good times, women, and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I’ll probably waste.
    Tug McGraw

    6.) Whenever someone asks me if I want want water with my Scotch, I say, ‘I’m thirsty, not dirty.’
    Joe E. Lewis

    7.) You can’t find the answers on the bottom of a whiskey glass, but if you look hard enough you’ll forget the questions.
    George Patterson

    8.) Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
    Mark Twain

    9.) I wish to live to 150 years old, but the day I die, I wish it to be with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.
    Ava Gardner

    10.) It is true that whisky improves with age. The older I get, the more I like it.
    Ronnie Corbett

    Whiskey quotes

    Funny whiskey sayings

    God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.
    Ed McMahon

    Whiskey claims to itself alone the exclusive office of sot-making.
    Thomas Jefferson

    I now drink healthy… Scotch and carrot juice. You get drunk as hell but you can still see good.
    Dean Martin

    What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
    W. Clement Stone

    Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.
    Jerry Vale, singer

    Wild Turkey whiskey and Philip Morris cigarettes are essential to the maintenance of human life!
    Herb Kelleher

    My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.
    Rodney Dangerfield

    My God, so much I like to drink Scotch that sometimes I think my name is Igor Stra-whiskey.
    Igor Stravinsky

    Giving money and power to the government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
    P. J. O’Rourke

    My favorite drink is a cocktail of carrot juice and whiskey. I am always drunk but I can see for miles.
    Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown

    Witty whiskey sayings

    While I can’t walk on water, I can certainly wobble on whisky.
    Ashwin Sanghi

    Whiskey has killed more men than bullets, but most men would rather be full of whiskey than bullets.
    Logan Pearsall Smith

    You know what southern women are? Whiskey in a teacup. We’re strong in the inside, but ornate on the outside.
    Hannah Brown

    Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities.
    Lord Dunsany

    I take the juice of two bottles of whisky.
    Dean Martin (when asked for his hangover cure)

    You can die from drinking too much of anything – coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that. And so long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whisky.
    W.C. Fields

    My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whisky.
    William Faulkner

    George Bernard Shaw whiskey quote

    Mark Twain on whiskey

    American author and humorist Mark Twain’s favorite drink was bourbon. He drank (and smoked) frequently throughout his life. Here are several of his best-known whiskey quotes:

    • The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad — but whiskey!
    • I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.
    • Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.

    W.C. Fields whiskey sayings

    Vaudeville star and comedian W.C. Fields played a surly-but-lovable con man with a never-ending thirst for alcohol. Here are some of his famous quips about drinking whiskey:

    • Always carry a flagon of whisky in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.
    • When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
    • Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
    • A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
    • Anyone who hates dogs and loves whiskey can’t be all bad.

    VIDEO: The most popular beverages in the world

    Short whiskey quotes

    I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.
    Tommy Cooper

    As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Freedom and Whisky gang thegither!
    Robert Burns, Scottish poet

    My idea of working out is drinking whiskey instead of beer.
    Travis Fimmel

    Civilization begins with distillation.
    William Faulkner

    A drunkard is like a whiskey-bottle, all neck and belly and no head.
    Austin O’Malley

    A good gulp of hot whiskey at bedtime—it’s not very scientific, but it helps.
    Alexander Fleming

    Check out these funny Ron Swanson quotes from Parks and Rec.

    Pierre Souvestre whiskey quote

    Famous whiskey quotes

    I know some who are constantly drunk on books as other men are drunk on whiskey.
    H.L. Mencken

    They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don’t win many ball games.
    Casey Stengel

    I have never in my life seen a Kentuckian who didn’t have a gun, a pack of cards, and a jug of whiskey.
    Andrew Jackson

    I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.
    Robert E. Lee

    I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
    Humphrey Bogart (his last words)

    Well, I wish some of you would tell me the brand of whiskey that Grant drinks. I would like to send a barrel of it to my other generals.
    Abraham Lincoln

    I learned early to drink beer, wine and whiskey. And I think I was about 5 when I first chewed tobacco.
    Babe Ruth

    The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.
    Winston Churchill

    Check out these interesting martini quotes and captions.

    Whiskey proverbs

    Today’s rain is tomorrow’s whisky.
    Scottish proverb

    What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.
    Irish proverb

    Always drink your whiskey with your gun hand, to show your friendly intentions.
    Scottish Klondiker’s Proverb

    Whiskey when you’re sick makes you well, whiskey when you’re well makes you sick.
    Irish proverb

    Whiskey quotes about love

    Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.
    Compton Mackenzie

    Whiskey, like a beautiful woman, demands appreciation. You gaze first, then it’s time to drink.
    Haruki Murakami

    Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whiskey, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested.
    Hunter S. Thompson

    I like my whiskey old and my women young.
    Errol Flynn, actor

    I’m a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough whiskey for three, and enough women for four.
    Joel Rosenberg

    Never delay kissing a pretty girl or opening a bottle of whiskey.
    Ernest Hemingway

    When you feel lonely, pass on the somber days and the melancholy nights, with a pint of whiskey and a zephyr of poetry!
    Avijeet Das


    Her eyes were the color of whiskey and grace. Moments with her always felt like getting drunk on Sundays.
    B. Devine

    Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if the women don’t get you then the whiskey must.
    Carl Sandburg


    No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
    H. L. Mencken

    Whiskey sayings about life

    Some of us look for the Way in opium and some in God, some of us in whiskey and some in love. It is all the same Way and it leads nowhither.
    W. Somerset Maugham

    You can handle just about anything that comes at you out on the road with a believable grin, common sense and whiskey.
    Bill Murray

    Those who drink whiskey with the owls at night, cannot soar with the eagles the next day.
    Brian D. Ratty

    The second whiskey is always my favorite. From the third on, it no longer has any taste. It’s just something to pour into your stomach.
    Haruki Murakami

    There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.
    Raymond Chandler

    I would have preferred whiskey. There’s nothing like its bold flavor and strong burn to remind you that you’re alive. And then quickly dull that feeling.
    Melanie A. Smith

    Sitting on a barstool and sipping a shot of Jack Daniel’s washed down by a cold bottle of beer is an impeccable routine. I cannot think of a better ritual.
    John E. Quinlan

    Whiskey girl quotes

    I feel like girls who drink whiskey tell good stories.
    Atticus, Canadian poet

    Whiskey girls are the good kind of bad news.
    Conny Cernik

    Whiskey drinkers skip the games, but never outgrow being playful.
    Sara Crolick and Kate Bartolotta

    Her walk is like a shot of whiskey. Neat and strong and full of purpose. And so many underestimate her punch.
    J.M. Storm

    Whiskey-drinking women are adaptable by nature; we can sidle up to a bar or ease deep into a favorite reading chair.
    Sara Crolick and Kate Bartolotta


    Whisky making is an act of cooperation between the blessings of nature and the wisdom of man.
    Masataka Taketsuru

    Courage is a vitamin best swallowed with whiskey.
    Jarod Kintz

    Whiskey toasts and cheers

    Here’s to the best key for unlocking friendship—whiskey.

    Here’s to whiskey, scotch, or rye,
    Amber, smooth, and clear;
    It’s not as sweet as a woman’s lips,
    But a damn sight more sincere.

    Keep your head cool and your feet warm,
    And a glass of good whiskey will do you no harm.

    To the rough and the smooth, to drinking with prudes,
    to loosen their thighs, with whiskey and rye!

    Here’s to steak when you’re hungry,
    whiskey when you’re dry,
    all the girls you ever want,
    and heaven when you die.

    For more drinking toasts, check out these Famous Toasts For Drinking.

    Whiskey quotes from movies & TV

    Nectar of the gods.
    Nick Offerman, Parks and Recreation

    When I drink water, I drink water. When I drink whiskey, I drink whiskey.
    John Wayne, The Quiet Man (when asked if he wanted water in his whiskey)

    Never cry over spilt milk. It could’ve been whiskey.
    James Garner, Maverick

    There’s a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch. Seeing as how I may be rapping on the door momentarily… (takes a drink) I must say, damn good stuff, Sir.
    Michael Fassbender, Inglourious Basterds

    I’d much rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea.
    Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

    Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down. Down into my belly
    Will Ferrell, Anchorman

    Your story had me a little confused. Or maybe it was the bourbon.
    Humphrey Bogart, Casablanca

    For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.
    Bill Murray, Lost In translation

    Charlotte: What are you doing here?
    Bob Harris: A couple of things. Taking a break from my wife, forgetting my son’s birthday and getting paid two million dollars to endorse a whiskey when I could be doing a play somewhere. The good news is, the whiskey works.
    Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray, Lost In Translation

    From music

    Whiskey makes my baby, feel a little frisky.
    Luke Bryan, Rain Is a Good Thing

    Them good old boys was drinkin’ whiskey and rye, Singin’ This’ll be the day that I die.
    Don McLean, American Pie

    It’s Faster horses, Younger women, Older whiskey and More money.
    Tom T. Hall, Faster Horses

    I sit here in this chair, I pour myself some whiskey, and watch my troubles vanish into the air.
    Randy Newman, Rollin’

    From books and literature

    The light music of whisky falling into glasses made an agreeable interlude.
    James Joyce, Dubliners

    He smelled of cigarettes and whiskey, the smell of Cambridge and youth.
    Lily King, Euphoria

    With more insight into the English character, I poured out a stiff whisky and soda and placed it in front of the gloomy inspector.
    Agatha Christie, Lord Edgware Dies

    He had never found that more than five whiskeys and soda were beneficial to law-practice.
    Sinclair Lewis, Mantrap

    You can steal my women but don’t play with my whiskey.
    Charles Bukowski, author

    The medicine is in the eye of the beholder and right now you be-holding a big ass glass of it. So, shut up and drink your whiskey.
    Joe Buckler, Later That Night

    Whiskey captions for Instagram

    Use these funny captions when you post your whiskey photos to social media sites like Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and more!

    • Tastes like heaven.
    • A toast to perfection.
    • Bourbon is a vegetable.
    • This whiskey tastes like I’m not going to work tomorrow.
    • Whiskey made me do it.
    • The safeword is whiskey.
    • Beast of bourbon.
    • Whiskey – the drink of the Gods.
    • Slip into the whisky lifestyle.
    • A taste of paradise.
    • Save water, drink whiskey.
    • Bourbon whisperer.
    • Whiskey makes everybody happy.
    • Coffee, work, whiskey.
    • Full of holiday spirit.
    • Let’s drink to that.
    • Raise your whiskey glass and pour it down.
    • Wish you were whiskey.
    • Real women drink whiskey.
    • Make whiskey, not war.
    • Another whiskey weekend.
    • Warning: May contain whiskey.
    • Whiskey soothes the soul.
    • The whisky of your dreams.
    • Whiskey will do.
    • Smooth as Tennessee whiskey.
    • It’s always happy hour when you have a glass of whiskey.
    • Life happens. Whiskey helps.
    • It’s whiskey time!
    • For a smooth treat, drink it neat.
    • An old-fashioned whiskey never gets old.
    • Drink more whiskey!
    • Whiskey and bacon.
    • Some girls are made of sugar and spice. Others are made from whiskey and ice.
    • Whiskey and bad decisions.
    • Drink what your heart yearns for.
    • I wonder if whiskey thinks about me too.
    • Whiskey and ice makes everything nice.
    • Whiskey makes me frisky.
    • The party starts when the whiskey is served.

    Thanks for reading these whiskey quotes, sayings, and captions. For more drinking content, check out the following lists:

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