Funny Motherhood Quotes
These funny motherhood quotes are just what you’ll need to add a bit of humor to your Mother’s Day card, birthday card, online post, or just to give mom a laugh.
Best funny motherhood quotes
When it comes to honoring mom, sometimes we’re at a loss for words. So why not give her a laugh on her special day with one of these funny sayings for moms?
These witty one-liners and relatable quips are so true, they’ll have her laughing out loud.
So ditch the sappy poems and predictable platitudes! Let’s celebrate mom with the gift of laughter.
1. Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.
Nia Vardalos
2. The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
Lane Olinghouse
3. If I wasn’t at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man — and by ‘party’ I mean, of course, endless rounds of ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider.’
Olivia Wilde
4. When your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.
Unknown
5. When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.
Nora Ephron
6. When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
Erma Bombeck
Funny motherhood quotes
Moms deserve more than just a tired bouquet of wilting carnations on her special day. She deserves a dose of humor that captures the messy, hilarious realities of motherhood, reminding her she wouldn’t trade the fruit-gummy-encrusted chaos for anything else in the world.
About tired moms
7. Why don’t kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?
Alyson Hannigan
8. When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
Erma Bombeck
About children
9. I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.
Reese Witherspoon
10. Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life.
Mindy Kaling
11. If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, ‘keep away from children’.
Susan Savannah
12. Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.
Julia Roberts
13. Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.
Michelle Pfeiffer
About work and career
14. Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.
Lisa Alther
About cooking
15. My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
16. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
Calvin Trillin
17. It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of food that my kid didn’t finish.
Carrie Underwood
About cleaning
18. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
Phyllis Diller
19. ‘I don’t think so mommy!’ is what my child said after, ‘Can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?’
Anna Faris
About love
20. Motherhood is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy.
Barbara Walters
21. A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.
Tenneva Jordan
22. Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Ambrose Bierce
23. I can’t believe how much like my mother I turned out. I feel sorry for my kids.
Melanie White
24. Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt.
S. K. Tremayne
25. Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.
Jenny McCarthy
Short funny motherhood quotes
26. But mothers lie. It’s in the job description.
John Green
27. Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
Sam Levenson
28. It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.
Betty White
29. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
30. Mothers are all slightly insane.
J. D. Salinger
31. A mother’s eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.
Matshona Dhliwayo
32. WINE. Because…KIDS!
Tanya Masse
Cute motherhood quotes
33. Two year-old referred to her coat pockets as “snack holes” and this is what I shall forever call them.
Rebecca Caprara
34. The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
Dorothy Parker
35. There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or ask your kids not to do it.
Malcolm Kushner
Famous funny motherhood quotes
36. I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.
Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
From movies & TV
37. There are no rules in this house; I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.
Mrs. George, Mean Girls
38. How do I explain [my mom]? She is as respected as Mother Theresa, as powerful as Stalin, and as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher.
Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation
39. It’s my job to strong-arm people into seeing how amazing you are.
Beverly Goldberg, The Goldbergs
From comedians
40. I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.
Jim Gaffigan
41. I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Phyllis Diller
How to use these funny motherhood quotes
Send a funny saying to mom on her special day by using these quotes. Here are some fun ways to get a chuckle out of mom:
- Add a quote to a Mother’s Day card from son or daughter.
- Give mom a laugh with a funny birthday card.
- Send a humorous greeting card to new moms and expecting mothers.
- Recognize a wedding anniversary.
- Make light-hearted mugs, cups, shirts for mom.
- Get a laugh by posting funny social media / Instagram captions.
- For husbands, honor your wife with a humorous note.
- Share a laugh with your mother in law.
We hope you had a good laugh with these funny motherhood quotes. Keep the good times rolling with these funny lists:
By Greg Johnson | Published 1/29/2024
