Funny Motherhood Quotes

These funny motherhood quotes are just what you’ll need to add a bit of humor to your Mother’s Day card, birthday card, online post, or just to give mom a laugh.


    Best funny motherhood quotes

    When it comes to honoring mom, sometimes we’re at a loss for words. So why not give her a laugh on her special day with one of these funny sayings for moms?

    These witty one-liners and relatable quips are so true, they’ll have her laughing out loud.

    So ditch the sappy poems and predictable platitudes! Let’s celebrate mom with the gift of laughter.

    1. Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.
    Nia Vardalos

    2. The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
    Lane Olinghouse

    3. If I wasn’t at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man — and by ‘party’ I mean, of course, endless rounds of ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider.’
    Olivia Wilde

    4. When your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.

    5. When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.
    Nora Ephron

    6. When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
    Erma Bombeck

    Funny motherhood quotes

    Funny motherhood quotes

    Moms deserve more than just a tired bouquet of wilting carnations on her special day. She deserves a dose of humor that captures the messy, hilarious realities of motherhood, reminding her she wouldn’t trade the fruit-gummy-encrusted chaos for anything else in the world.

    About tired moms

    7. Why don’t kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?
    Alyson Hannigan

    8. When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
    Erma Bombeck

    About children

    9. I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.
    Reese Witherspoon

    10. Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life.
    Mindy Kaling

    11. If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, ‘keep away from children’.
    Susan Savannah

    12. Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.
    Julia Roberts

    13. Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.
    Michelle Pfeiffer

    About work and career

    14. Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.
    Lisa Alther

    About cooking

    15. My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
    Buddy Hackett

    16. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
    Calvin Trillin

    17. It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of food that my kid didn’t finish.
    Carrie Underwood

    About cleaning

    18. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
    Phyllis Diller

    19. ‘I don’t think so mommy!’ is what my child said after, ‘Can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?’
    Anna Faris

    About love

    20. Motherhood is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy.
    Barbara Walters

    21. A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.
    Tenneva Jordan

    22. Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
    Ambrose Bierce

    23. I can’t believe how much like my mother I turned out. I feel sorry for my kids.
    Melanie White

    24. Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt.
    S. K. Tremayne

    25. Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.
    Jenny McCarthy

    Phyllis Diller funny motherhood quote

    Short funny motherhood quotes

    26. But mothers lie. It’s in the job description.
    John Green

    27. Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
    Sam Levenson

    28. It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.
    Betty White

    29. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
    Milton Berle

    30. Mothers are all slightly insane.
    J. D. Salinger

    31. A mother’s eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.
    Matshona Dhliwayo

    32. WINE. Because…KIDS!
    Tanya Masse

    Cute motherhood quotes

    33. Two year-old referred to her coat pockets as “snack holes” and this is what I shall forever call them.
    Rebecca Caprara

    34. The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
    Dorothy Parker

    35. There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or ask your kids not to do it.
    Malcolm Kushner

    Famous funny motherhood quotes

    36. I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.
    Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

    From movies & TV

    37. There are no rules in this house; I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.
    Mrs. George, Mean Girls

    38. How do I explain [my mom]? She is as respected as Mother Theresa, as powerful as Stalin, and as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher.
    Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation

    39. It’s my job to strong-arm people into seeing how amazing you are.
    Beverly Goldberg, The Goldbergs

    From comedians

    40. I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.
    Jim Gaffigan

    41. I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
    Phyllis Diller

    How to use these funny motherhood quotes

    Send a funny saying to mom on her special day by using these quotes. Here are some fun ways to get a chuckle out of mom:

    • Add a quote to a Mother’s Day card from son or daughter.
    • Give mom a laugh with a funny birthday card.
    • Send a humorous greeting card to new moms and expecting mothers.
    • Recognize a wedding anniversary.
    • Make light-hearted mugs, cups, shirts for mom.
    • Get a laugh by posting funny social media / Instagram captions.
    • For husbands, honor your wife with a humorous note.
    • Share a laugh with your mother in law.

    We hope you had a good laugh with these funny motherhood quotes. Keep the good times rolling with these funny lists:

    Mom Jokes for Kids

    Funny Wedding Toasts

    Funny Marriage Advice Quotes

    By Greg Johnson | Published 1/29/2024

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